the space between us

There was a man across the platform.

Your stance, the space inbetween the part of your legs. I don’t even need to look away or look inside, to see my legs fitting perfectly inbetween. Actually, can you please come over and invade my space? Before the train takes you away and passes me by. Diminsh the presence of the space that is visibly between us, and in or past life. Begin by loosing the grip on your sidekick, look up…but wait till I am looking away. You don’t have to speak, the sweet nothings that will always tie us together will be enough, its been enough. Look at me, I’ve been standing right in front of you for a space of time now.You don’t even have to look around. I feel like you feel I’m here, over here. I want to warm my hands in the pockets of your grey hoodie. Let me breathe you in. Let me…wait..youre looking up.

I turn away. You’re gone and he’s there. This whole time…I was seeing you. And I still am.

Ditto

“I’m a recovering, undercover, over lover…recovering from a love I can’t get over” Erykah Badu

Strange. But this time, I can’t talk about it..so thanks Badu.

song cry

Mary J. Blige “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word”

“third time’s the charm” rejection via AIM and “in a friendly way”

thr33beautymarks: are you sure you’re ready, or are we still waiting?

_____0: waiting

thr33beautymarks: do you still feel something for…me?

_____0: in a friendly way

thr33beautymarks: then why would you need time?
You know what, don’t answer that

three minutes pass…

thr33beautymarks: I’ve missed you since I left…since you left actuallyI can’t pretend that I don’t still adore you…I want to be friends, I really do, cause you’re amazing…but shit still hurts….waiting, not really knowing…hurts..
So maybe I’m the one that should be fearful of seeing you again.
I’m sorry, deeply sorry if I hurt you, now, before or still…I tried, hard, to not hurt you, I never intended to do so…instead intended to never do so…
I moved back, I’m here…and I’ve seen and reunited with everyone but the one person I just want to sit with, not even say a word to, just sit with, simply sit with…with you
I don’t believe that its just friendly from your end…maybe I should wish I did, so I can let go
When you’re ready to say hi, to really say hi again..please do.
The end?

_____0: wow, well, that was alot. lol

thr33beautymarks (is thinking: “lol”? really though?):  just a tiny bit I guess. tell me, in all honesty, between me and you, is it really just “in a friendly way”?

_____0: yes. don’t have a big speech, lol. but yes.

thr33beautymarks (is smh at the “lol” not even this “third time’s the charm” rejection): Do you want to talk about why you got mean, months ago?

_____0: I got mean?

thr33beautymarks: uh yes…you gave me the “lets slow down, babe” speech and then you had me feeling like I left before I even did

_____0: no I didn’t. really?

thr33beautymarks: then what do you think happened?

_____0:I don’t know, maybe you’re right

thr33beautymarks (is thinking, “lets make this hopeless rejection/breakup official…”): Is it foolish of me to still have hope?

_____0: I feel like we’ve already had this conversation, lol

thr33beautymarks: you’re probably right…yet you don’t tell me how you felt or feel, no matter how many times, if any, we’ve had this “conversation”…so that’s why I asked, hoping I guess that you’d tell me otherwise, to tell me yes actually…so…tell me

six minutes pass

_____0: yeah,its probably not gonna be whatever you’re looking for

thr33beautymarks: okay

thr33beautymarks status: invisible

page 95

“If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for him or forget him.

Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering” -Paulo Coelho

A Lovely Love Story

our turn?

tomorrow and on..

love my insecurities till they live up to perfection. be patient.
count my beauty marks. get closer to Jehovah. let love be. naturally
love. pray. pray more. be a kid. be a woman. be your woman. be my own
woman. flirt cautiously. open up to truth, as it does to me. dance.
sing louder in the shower. buy red lingerie. address all I-O-U's to
her. ice skate in central park. be gentle with the anti-breaks. be
silent. be simple, but deceptively complicated. forgive you. forgive
myself. forgive the before. be gentle. strengthen the delicate soul.
be vulnerable. be me. be fearless again. write without inhibitions.
just write. fade the grey. read. read more. embrace the sun and the
snow. kiss the mirror. buy a yellow dress. be me. be her.

Sent from my iPhone